In the West, normally boy meets girl and girl meets boy everywhere, and if there's chemistry, romance starts.
During the dating, they will get to know each other better and if it works it can lead to marriage. If doesn't work, someone will leave with a broken heart, but sooner or later will move to another relationship, until find the right person to marry and have a family. Hopefully there will be no divorce. Parents are, normally, introduced to the boyfriend/ girlfriend when the relationship gets serious.
Of course, there are people that are just looking to have fun, as there are, also, in Jordan and in the rest of the world.
During the dating, they will get to know each other better and if it works it can lead to marriage. If doesn't work, someone will leave with a broken heart, but sooner or later will move to another relationship, until find the right person to marry and have a family. Hopefully there will be no divorce. Parents are, normally, introduced to the boyfriend/ girlfriend when the relationship gets serious.
Of course, there are people that are just looking to have fun, as there are, also, in Jordan and in the rest of the world.
Well, in Jordan, the marriage process is quite different.
How boy meets girl in Jordan
The differences start with the fact that there is no dating.
If a boy is interested in a girl, he should tell his parents and his mother will visit the girl's family to understand if the interest is reciprocal. If so, the boy will be informed of the amount of money the family/girl wants to get married. If he can afford, he must propose.
Traditionally, the mother looks for a bride for his son. Normally a cousin, or a girl from a family friend, from the neighbour, from the same tribe.
It can be someone the boy already mentioned to the mother or someone the mother wants to introduce to the son.
In general, marriages are between the same social class.
It can be someone the boy already mentioned to the mother or someone the mother wants to introduce to the son.
In general, marriages are between the same social class.
The mother will look for a girl with good reputation, never married before. She will found out if the girl is prepared for the married life, to have children, to clean, to cook and to respect the husband.
Another usual way of meeting a girl is during a family wedding. If the wedding is mixed.
That's one of the reasons why single women take very serious the preparation to be in their best.
In these parties, women can go crazy with the makeup, hair, wear high heels and a glittering dress showing some leg, shoulders, arms and a respectful cleavage.
That's one of the reasons why single women take very serious the preparation to be in their best.
In these parties, women can go crazy with the makeup, hair, wear high heels and a glittering dress showing some leg, shoulders, arms and a respectful cleavage.
If a boy is interested in a girl, he will normally ask her parents to dance with her, or to the girl in front of the parents or to the wedding party's mediator designated for this purpose.
In the traditional arabic marriage man and women celebrate the wedding separately.
In the traditional arabic marriage man and women celebrate the wedding separately.
The boy's intentions should always be serious. It is the family honour that is at stake.
If the family finds out that the girl is having inappropriate behaviors with the fiancé before marriage (sexual acts), the family may take action in order to clean the family reputation. Brides must be virgins on the wedding night.
The Bride's Marriage Payment
In Jordan, each girl has a different price. The value depends how much she/ family thinks she worth (beauty, reputation, university education, family's social status) or only how much she wants. She/family can ask whatever amount they want to.
They also ask for a certain quantity of gold jewelry and they also can ask for specific conditions, like: keep studying or working, the husband cannot marry a second wife, the right to divorce and others.
The cash value, the gold amount and the conditions will be written in the marriage contract.
The money and the gold can be paid to the girl's family, but in these days, normally the girl takes the money and gold for herself.
A boy that have interest in some girl but he cannot afford, nor his parents, will make a bank loan to pay her, to pay the engagement party, the wedding party, her wedding dress, to pay the honeymoon, to furnishes the house.
The marriage for the arabic men is an investment that they will have to pay monthly with taxes to the bank.
If he cannot make a loan, he will keep looking for a bride until he finds some other respectful girl that he can afford to marry.
Procedures before Marriage
If all the agreements go well, the couple will set the marriage date.
The couple should have an appointment in the medical center to make a blood examination to check the genetic compatibility. This medical exam is required by the marriage judge.
The reason for this test obligation is to avoid the birth of babies with malformations as there are many marriages between cousins.
Jordanian Marriage Procedures
The Marriage Proposal
The boy and his male family members go to the girl's parents house to ask her father permission to marry her. Normally they will sing songs, play guitars, dance, clap, shot bullets to the air, and scream in front of her house as sign of joy.
All the neighbourhood should know the good news!
The Engagement (Legal Marriage)
The marriage is done in two parts.
First the couple sign the marriage papers in front of a judge (law) and an Imam (religious). They need two present witnesses.
When done, they throw, what they call, an engagement party.
First the couple sign the marriage papers in front of a judge (law) and an Imam (religious). They need two present witnesses.
When done, they throw, what they call, an engagement party.
After having the marriage certificate, they will calmly start the wedding ceremony's planning.
In the meantime, the mother of the groom or the groom himself will start to prepare the house for the couple. If he cannot afford the house, they will live with his parents until they can move.
The marriage certificate will allow the couple to spend time together in the families' house and get to know each other better. Although, they are legally married, the marriage can just be consumed after the wedding party. They may get involved, but will avoid intercourse.
If something goes wrong and the marriage is canceled, they will divorce and the purity of the girl remains intact, as well, her reputation and her family's.
If something goes wrong and the marriage is canceled, they will divorce and the purity of the girl remains intact, as well, her reputation and her family's.
The Wedding Ceremony (The Party)
The second part is the wedding party.
It is a social party, cause they are already married.
The girl's family will gather in her parents' house and her husband will come with his family to pick her up. They will make a loud party in front of her door similar to the marriage proposal.
It is a social party, cause they are already married.
The girl's family will gather in her parents' house and her husband will come with his family to pick her up. They will make a loud party in front of her door similar to the marriage proposal.
The wedding can take place in two different places: one only for men and other just for the women. In this traditional arabic wedding, the bride and groom celebrate the wedding apart.
The more western weddings will take place in just one place.
The wealthier weddings will offer a feast that can last a week.
In middle class weddings, you will not have a feast of food but there will be, certainly, the national Jordanian dish, Mansef. And, if they are a higher middle-class family, they will very probably, also, offer Mansaf to all the neighborhood.
The less fortunate weddings, will offer to the guests some salty appetizers, some cake, water and juice.
In middle class weddings, you will not have a feast of food but there will be, certainly, the national Jordanian dish, Mansef. And, if they are a higher middle-class family, they will very probably, also, offer Mansaf to all the neighborhood.
The less fortunate weddings, will offer to the guests some salty appetizers, some cake, water and juice.
After the wedding party the couple is officially married for the society.
The Jordanian weddings parties are getting similar to the westerns weddings, the brides are no longer wearing the traditional arabic wedding dress, instead they prefer the western design white dress. But their hair should be covered, to respect the Islamic religion and tribes' traditions.
The Jordanian weddings parties are getting similar to the westerns weddings, the brides are no longer wearing the traditional arabic wedding dress, instead they prefer the western design white dress. But their hair should be covered, to respect the Islamic religion and tribes' traditions.
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| Example of a wedding place |
Married Life
For the Jordanians, the marriage is the beginning of the adulthood: it is when they can move from their parents' home, experience sexual intimacy, have financial independence, have children, have their own family.
"The concept of the relationship generally is "taking care of each other". The wife will take care of her husband in the home, she will prepare his food, wash his clothes and keep the home tidy and clean. Outside, the husband will take care of his wife, standing between her and the world. He will escort her where she wishes to go, find a seat for her when they are waiting, look for refreshment when she's thirsty, carry the shopping bags, open doors for her....It is not usually the custom for a woman to travel anywhere alone. (...) Almost no wife will decide to go somewhere without at least informing her husband. Many will "ask permission" to go. A husband has the right to know where his wife is at all times." (Ruth Caswell)
During the marriage, the husband is expected to provide everything for the couple, for the children and for the house. Even if the wife works, her salary is her personal property. She will decide how she wants to spend it.
Marriage Age
In Jordan, couples are getting married later, like at 25, 27 and older.
The reason seems to be related with wanting to study more, having a stable job to ensure the payment of all the marriage expenses or being accepted for a bank loan.
The legal age to marry is 18 for girl and 16 to boy, however there are exceptions. With the permission of the family and the authorization of two judges, underage can be married. Child marriages still happens in Jordan.
The reason seems to be related with wanting to study more, having a stable job to ensure the payment of all the marriage expenses or being accepted for a bank loan.
The legal age to marry is 18 for girl and 16 to boy, however there are exceptions. With the permission of the family and the authorization of two judges, underage can be married. Child marriages still happens in Jordan.
There are countries in the Middle east, like Yemen, where the bridal ages are from 6 years old. Yemeni people say to be following the prophet.
It kind of reminds me the gipsy community:
- The bride also has a price paid by the groom (darro or dowry);
- Marriages are normally arranged by the parents, but the girl and boy are consulted;
- The marriage it's expected to be between people of the same tribe;
- The selection of the bride is made considering health, manners, character, prestige in the community and domestic skills;
- The couple will not have contact until the marriage;
- The bride should remain virgin to the wedding night;
- The husband should work and provide while the wife should focus in being a good housewife.
Multiple Marriages
Polygamy is legal in Jordan. A muslim man can have more than one wife at the same time, up to a total of four.
He should provide and treat equally all the wives and they should live in separated places.
Women can just be married with one man at time.
He should provide and treat equally all the wives and they should live in separated places.
Women can just be married with one man at time.
Marriage between Jordanians and Foreigners
A muslim man can marry a non-muslim woman but a muslim woman cannot marry a non-muslim man. He would have to convert to islam in order to marry her.
Most of the jordanian man will have no problem marrying a non-virgin foreign, but not a non-virgin jordanian women. Just if she is divorced or windowed.
Why? If someone knows, please let know.
Nationality by Marriage
A jordanian man can grant jordanian nationality to his non-jordanian wife, after she resided in the country for 3 years for the arab-nationality arab and 5 years for non-arab nationality wife. The children of a jordanian man is jordanian.
A jordanian woman cannot pass the nationality or residency permit to her non-jordanian husband. But since 2002 she can grant to her children.
Why? If someone knows, please let know.
Nationality by Marriage
A jordanian man can grant jordanian nationality to his non-jordanian wife, after she resided in the country for 3 years for the arab-nationality arab and 5 years for non-arab nationality wife. The children of a jordanian man is jordanian.
A jordanian woman cannot pass the nationality or residency permit to her non-jordanian husband. But since 2002 she can grant to her children.
Marriage in the communities in Jordan
Despite coming from a very different culture, the communities, in Jordan, like the circassians, adopted all the procedures of the arabic/ jordanian marriages. They fully assumed the jordanian culture as theirs.
Reflection
Women, here, cover themselves to be respected and considered respectful. Supposedly, for a man to want to marry them for the inside, values, religiousness and not for the outside. But, in this society boy and girl cannot get to know each other without being already engaged (legally married). So, men do choose his wife for her reputation and exterior, as they don't get to know each other, nor are in love. They need to be legally married to start to date and get to know each other.
in Jordan, being in love to marry is not important. Love will come after marriage.
Hopefully, both would be patient and, eventually, fall in love. He would be a caring husband that provides and she a dedicated and obedient wife, as desired, in Jordan.
in Jordan, being in love to marry is not important. Love will come after marriage.
Hopefully, both would be patient and, eventually, fall in love. He would be a caring husband that provides and she a dedicated and obedient wife, as desired, in Jordan.
Nowadays
In these days, with the new communication technologies, like the internet, mobile phone, messaging apps, and social networks, girls and boys are easily talking without the families noticing.
The mixed universities, also, made it easier for boys and girls to have meetings. Whatever happens in these dates, girls will always try to keep their virginity intact. They will perform another sexual intercourse that doesn't compromise it.
It happens that some girls lose their virginity and have it restored by a doctor.
I am not saying this just because of what I hear from people here. Yesterday, I was making my night walks in the King Hussein Park and I saw a naked young girl (yes, I saw her body), balancing on top of a naked boy, inside a car.
A jordanian husband would never expose his wife like this, her naked body to the eyes of everybody that was passing there.
So, this really happens. Although, sex out of marriage is forbidden by the Islam and girls are close monitored by their families.
The mixed universities, also, made it easier for boys and girls to have meetings. Whatever happens in these dates, girls will always try to keep their virginity intact. They will perform another sexual intercourse that doesn't compromise it.
It happens that some girls lose their virginity and have it restored by a doctor.
I am not saying this just because of what I hear from people here. Yesterday, I was making my night walks in the King Hussein Park and I saw a naked young girl (yes, I saw her body), balancing on top of a naked boy, inside a car.
A jordanian husband would never expose his wife like this, her naked body to the eyes of everybody that was passing there.
So, this really happens. Although, sex out of marriage is forbidden by the Islam and girls are close monitored by their families.